I don’t make resolutions.
It’s a personal thing. I know me well enough to know that resolutions only put undue pressure on me; to make resolutions is to set myself up for failure. So I just don’t do it. Resolutions are by their very nature promises we aren’t intended to keep. Lose weight, quit smoking, stop drinking… Promises which remove our crutches and vices and require us to obsess over the largely unimportant simply to distract ourselves from the task at hand. Torture devices, if you ask me.
There’s a reason for this rant, ladies and germs. I intended to write this blog post in January. As you can see, things don’t always work out the way I plan. The good news about this is there’s been time for reflection in Camp Roddey. Unfortunately I can’t say I really like everything I see.
2015 wasn’t necessarily a bad year for me, just unproductive. I spent the majority of it pregnant and sick so I accomplished very little. I also spent a large portion of the year concerned over my employment status and what the managerial transitions at the day job would bring. Queue skyrocketing stress levels on all sides. But all in all I came out of it okay. I’m still gainfully employed and my children are all happy and healthy. I’m a little sad at the state of affairs in this world, and disappointed in the shitstorm my children and their generation will inherit, but there’s still time for me to change the world. I just have to find people who will listen and use common sense.
If you feel like I’m ignoring you, well… I probably am. I don’t say that to be mean. I say that because I ignore most of the internet right now. I’m frightened by the state of our political system (as I’ve said before) and tired of the bullshit rhetoric. I don’t want to lose respect for anyone else over their choice of candidate, so I choose to remove myself from the fray. And no, this statement does not give you the right to preach at me about the forty reason why YOU think I should vote for Donald Trump. I refuse to discuss politics in public because I have serious problems with most of the candidates. I will, however, say this: I refuse to believe the bigoted bullshit spewed forth by Herr Trump is what everyone else in this country is thinking, but if it is I’ll likely be moving to Canada come November. We have a lot to gain this year, but we also have a whole lot more to lose.
But enough of that.
I’m also ignoring the internet because the internet, with it’s anonymity, breeds assholes. Entitled douchebags who spend all of their time looking for reasons to be butthurt and start flame wars. Again with the largely unimportant… There are real problems in this world and the candyasses on the internet are out there painting whole social groups with single brushstrokes of stupidity and bitching about who’s allowed to get married and which god everyone should believe in. In this age of hurt feelings and bullshit triggers, I often wonder what the point in continuing on this path is. (By the way, making EVERYTHING a trigger which requires a warning kind of defeats the purpose of triggers… And life. Just sayin’. I know real PTSD victims, and they’re not nearly as touchy as the internet world have us believe. Beating on someone in public is a trigger, not posting a photo of a dead deer on its way to the processor. Seriously.)
The writing market sucks. It’s over-saturated, people don’t care about the products they release on their quest for “look at me, look at me!”, and it’s too easy for the pirates to steal things. Publishers are going down in flames left and right. More and more people are turning to Amazon to get famous in the wrong way. I get so frustrated by the state of affairs. Then I remember that even when I second-guess myself over my writing, I’m still doing what I love. If I can change the world for even one person, then I’ve accomplished something. Maybe if I keep taking, someone will eventually listen.
So back to those resolutions… I don’t make them, but I can give myself a few targets so I know what direction I’m aiming. I’m not going to require myself to write so many words or finish so many things. I’m not going to promise to lose weight or stop using swear words. I won’t demand those things of myself because I will fail. Going forward, I intend to be a little less chaotic neutral, a little friendlier to the world in general, and a lot less tolerant of bullshit. I have to learn to speak freely and be completely honest regardless of who might be offended, and to stop allowing this pedantic behavior to continue in my presence. Let’s face it, folks…The only way we’re going to be able to speak freely is to just do it and show the whiners that nobody cares. We have to take opinions back.
I will continue to love everyone equally regardless of race or creed, to speak up when someone is in trouble, and to remind everyone that the world is only as good a place as we make it. I’m not going to talk about politics with anyone. I will not acknowledge those who preach at me about bullshit topics such as how two men shouldn’t love each other (seriously, love who you want) or how all Muslims are monsters (again with the broad brush of stupid…they’re just people, people!), or who gets to use what bathroom (seriously…I go to the bathroom to pee, not to look at everyone else’s junk and I really can’t be bothered to care about who’s in the stall beside me). I will not tolerate social injustice for anyone. Everyone gets to be equal in my space. Nobody gets to be more equal than anyone else, and nobody gets a second chance. There have been too many second chances already. It’s time to grow up, now.
I just hope the remaining 3/4 of this year gets a little better than this first bit. What I’ve seen so far isn’t pretty, and I don’t like not pretty. I, however, will be doing my small part to make it a little lighter for those around me.